


Interdimensional Shore Leave

by roadmagician



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Eventual Romance, Existential Crisis, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2018-12-21 17:38:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11949291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roadmagician/pseuds/roadmagician
Summary: Q thinks Picard needs a vacation. Picard agrees to go. But the galaxy is not always a safe place, especially close to home.





	1. Shore Leave

It was sunset on Pacifica. Twin suns burned low as embers in the purple sky. Bioluminescent bugs winked in and out like stars and music filtered through the trees. The revellers were crew members, now unrecognisable in their civilian clothing.

Picard was still in uniform. He sat at a desk inside the administration building, under the cool of the air-con system, with a report from HQ scrolling on the screen in front of him.

From somewhere down the hall, he heard a door open, letting a gust of humid air in. There was the sound of music. Familiar footsteps and a murmur of conversation. That was his first officer, Will Riker, accompanied by Counselor Troi. No doubt making the most of their holiday.

The door chimed.

“Come,” said Picard and set his report down with a regretful sigh.

Riker poked his head round the door with a cheeky grin as he stepped inside. He looked suntanned and even his posture was relaxed. Next to him was Deanna who wore a loose sapphire outfit and had her hair down in curls around her face.

“I knew I’d find you holed up inside somewhere!” said Riker.

“Is everything all right?” said Picard at once. Knowing his luck, there was probably another crisis for him to attend to – a virus, maybe, or robots, or worst of all, Tribbles…

But Riker shook his head.

“No, sir. Everything’s great here. Excellent. You should see the view. Actually, we were wondering if you might come out and join the rest of the crew –“

“Come on, sir, they’ll be hosting a dance soon,” said Deanna, with her soft smile.

“And I think Worf just challenged Data to a Klingon death match. Without the actual death, of course.”

Picard shook his head. “Thank you for the thought, Number One. As tempting as it is to see Data beat Worf… I must be returning to my work.”

“Oh! Well – all right. If you’re sure.” Riker looked a little taken aback.

“Quite sure,” said Picard. “You two enjoy yourselves.” He waved them off with a faint smile. He didn’t want to be stern but he didn’t have time for such things.

He returned his attention once more to the console but sensed that Deanna was still lingering in the doorway. Picard sighed and looked up.

“Yes, Counselor Troi? Is there something the matter?”

“No, but if I might speak freely, sir-“ She paused. There was that challenging expression on her face that she got sometimes when she was about to say something ‘un-diplomatic.’

“Speak freely,” said Picard.

“Reconsider, sir. It’s not often we stop off at Pacifica. Even starship captains need a break.”

“I’m resting right now,” Picard protested.

“Going over a treaty for the tenth time is not _resting_ , sir,” she said, “Surely you can afford a bit of fun?”

“I can’t afford frivolity, counsellor. This is the price of being a captain, and one I can make peace with. I have a duty to do.”

He realised too late that he sounded more stern than he meant to. But Deanna sensed the intent behind his words.

She made a noise of consideration as she stood on the threshold.

“Yes… although, fun doesn’t have to be frivolous. I take having fun very seriously. It’s good for the spirit.”

Picard grumbled. “It’s nice if you have _time._ Something which I have a chronic shortage of. But I _may_ join you later. If I can schedule it in.”

“I think Will would like that,” said Deanna, with a soft smile, “The crew would love to see you let loose a little.”

“I’m sure they would!” he said, “They’d never let it go!”

Deanna paused just before she turned to leave. “Sir? Can I ask you another question?”

Picard nodded.

“Why did you get into Starfleet?”

Picard paused, hand hovering over the screen, and found his mind had gone blank. He struggled to compose an answer.

“Well, I – ah… I suppose… like any other young man, I was bored, and wanted something to do. I found a lot more excitement than I bargained for. Why?”

“I was just wondering,” said Deanna, with a shrug, “I hope you’ll join us later.” Knowing her, it was more than ‘just wondering’ but Picard didn’t press the issue.

It was past midnight by the time he finished the last task on his administrative to-do list. The moon had risen as he stepped outside into the thick night air. All the partygoers had gone to bed. It would be an early departure for space the next morning.

Now there was nothing but pale light on the water and the sound of waves crashing on a shore of black sand. Picard looked up at the string of stars that winked behind a veil of low-hanging cloud. The sky cleared and showed a multitude of strange constellations.

Decades ago he’d stood under a sky like this one and decided to leave home. His mind drifted again to Deanna’s question. Now, he didn’t know why he’d made the choice. Had the stars lost their promise?

* * *

 

In a far distant part of the galaxy there was another party happening.

The room resembled a gaming room from 26th Cenury Earth. Card tables were spread across the marble floor. The high ceiling was hung with chandeliers that looked like fairyfloss spun from light. Somewhere in the distance jazz music was playing. A menagerie of beautiful women in gowns of a thousand different colours and patterns drifted across the casino floor, amidst a sea of men in formal suits of black and white and a rare, glittering silver.

At one of the tables, someone was winning for the thousandth time.

A bell rang and lights flashed as cheers erupted around the table. The gamekeeper pushed a giant pile of golden tokens towards the winner.

“ _Amazing_ ,” sighed the woman at his right, who draped a jewelled hand on his shoulder.

“Impressive,” said the man at his left, with the dazzling smile.

And the crowd of strangers was cheering for the winner, even his opponents, and the gamekeeper leaned close and said: “The manager wants to speak with you.”

The crowd parted for the manager. He was a tall man, with a glint of authority in his eye, and a regal posture. He reached out and shook his hand in an iron grip, and said: “We’ll certainly remember you here.”

And then the scene froze. Each player stood still under the amber lights. A hooded figure materialized in the middle of the table. It was grey and featureless and didn’t reflect the light, like a bad rendering of a humanoid. A pencil sketch.

THERE YOU ARE, Q, it said, CHILDISH MORTAL FANTASIES DO NOT BECOME US.

“Oh, piss off!” said Q, slamming down his cards.

All at once the casino and the people in it dissolved like powder in water. And there was nothing but empty space and Q.

YOU CAN REMOVE WHATEVER THAT IS YOU’RE WEARING, TOO, said the Q, gesturing at his human form with great distaste in its voice.

“What’s wrong with this?” Q protested, “Opposable thumbs are great! And I have amazing hair!”

OF ALL THE FORMS AVAILABLE, YOU CHOSE A HAIRLESS MEATBAG WITH NO PREDATORY DEFENCES? They said. NEEDS MORE TENTACLES.

Q pouted and snapped his fingers. There was a burst of light and even the form he occupied was gone. No hands before him, only absolute zero, and the sense of being stretched out instead of compressed into a human shell.

 _I’m bored,_ said Q, _So sue me! I don’t see you lot doing anything with your time. You just sit around moping about the heat death of the universe.  
_

MORE HUMAN COLLOQUIALISMS! ‘TIME’ AND ‘BOREDOM’ ARE LIES. YOU HAVE GROWN SENTIMENTAL.

The Q drifted in a cloud of vague disapproval. They had not experienced internal disagreement until this particular Q had differentiated itself.

WE TRANSCEND SOON, They said, Q CANNOT STAY.

 _Yes I can,_ said Q, just to be contrary. _I thought time was a lie?_

YOU ARE STILL YOUNG. 5000 YEARS AND YOU HAVE NOT MADE A DENT IN THE UNIVERSE. WE CAN LEAVE TOMORROW.

_Fine. Leave. See if I care._

WE ARE Q. WE EXIST. THE HUMANOIDS WILL EXPIRE BETWEEN ONE BREATH AND THE NEXT. THEY WILL NOT MISS YOU, YOU KNOW, said Q, in an approximation of a ‘gentle tone.’ (To human ears, this would have sounded like the shrieking of four hundred violins all playing wrong notes.)

 _They will!_ said Q. _I’ll prove it!_

And he knew the one person in the universe who might want to see him again. Possibly.

With a burst of white light, he was gone.

ALWAYS ONE FOR THE THEATRICS, THAT Q, They grumbled. The darkness merged and shifted. HE’S ALWAYS BEEN TOO MUCH THE INDIVIDUAL, They agreed. But beyond that, the Continuum could agree on nothing. They would spend the next phase deliberating.

Where there was _I_ and _me_ and _mine_ , there was also the potential of losing. Why play that game?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is for ostrich-cakes, inspired by [this](http://ostrich-cakes.tumblr.com/post/164797525636/for-the-qcard-big-bang-some-transparent-space) post and [this](http://ostrich-cakes.tumblr.com/post/164394035206/ive-always-really-liked-the-idea-of-q-taking) post for the qcard big bang.
> 
> I can't remember if they actually go to Pacifica? So I'm just making that up. The Continuum is also a complete fabrication. I'm aware that there's some kind of angst in future episodes w/r/t the Borg and Picard. But seeing as I haven't watched that yet it won't appear in this fic. The title is a placeholder until I come up with something better. 
> 
> bleh. IDK guys. I have an excel spreadsheet that I am currently eyeballing that has like, a long list of scenes and character beats and there's at least 6 chapters planned. God help me. (Incidentally, the Additional Tags are a great summary of my life right now.)
> 
> You can find me [here](http://sunset-mission.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. MAAAAYBE the rating will go up in future chapters. Enjoy!


	2. Use of antigravity superconductors in escaping an event horizon

The _Enterprise_ was headed away from shore leave, and Picard was sitting in his ready room drinking tea when time stopped. He looked down and noticed that the cup of tea he was drinking was frozen in motion as it tilted in the cup. The room had gone silent. No background hum of engines. The stars outside, once stretched out into warp, had become fixed points.

Only one being he knew was capable of such reality warping.

“Q,” he growled.

The entity materialised in a flash of light.

“Johnny!” he said. He had that big grin on his face that was calculated to annoy.

“No,” said Picard, without looking up from his padd.

Q drifted closer. “Jean-Luc…” he crooned.

Picard ignored him. He fixed his gaze on his engineering report and hoped Q would leave. Maybe this time, if he pretended that everything was normal, and godlike energy beings didn’t exist…

A breath ghosted over the shell of his ear. “ _Mon capitaine…_ ”

That hit the last nerve Picard had left and he slammed his cup of tea down on the saucer.

“Fine! What is it, Q? Come to gloat? More mind games? Are you going to put us in a black hole? What is it _now?_ How can I _possibly take up more of my time to help you?_ ”

“You wound me,” said Q, who didn’t look even a little upset, “I don’t want any of those things.”

Picard had half a mind to ditch the engineering report at his head, but there was probably some Starfleet regulation about ‘provoking cosmic entities.’ It wouldn’t even hurt the bastard.

Through gritted teeth, he replied: “And I suppose you’re going to bother me until I ask you what you want?”

“Oh! Jean-Luc, after all these years together, you know me too well!” said Q with that particular tone he seemed to reserve for Picard.

Q was still hovering at his shoulder and too close for comfort. Picard didn’t know why he persisted in such childish intimidation tactics. (The worst thing was that it _worked._ He could feel a blush spreading up the collar of his shirt and he _would not think about that now, thank you very much._ )

“What is it you want?” said Picard in a flat tone.

“You need a vacation!” said Q. “Look at you, hunched over some dull report.” He leaned over and plucked it from his fingers, peering in contempt at the title. “ _Use of antigravity superconductors in escaping an event horizon –_ gah! Rubbish! The Q solved that problem aeons ago!”

He snapped his fingers and the report vanished in a burst of white light.

“Give my report back this instant!”

“I’ll give you something better! This isn’t what you _want,_ Jean-Luc – sitting in an _office_ doing paperwork! You wanted to explore strange new worlds! Encounter other cultures! Go beyond the horizon!”

Picard sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“No, Q. Don’t even _suggest –_ “

Q winked out of existence and reappeared sitting on his desk.

“You yearn for knowledge of the strange and unexplored! So – come with me – “

“Absolutely not.”

“Come and explore! I have something interesting to show you!”

“You’re going to badger me until I say yes, aren’t you?” he said.

“But of course!”

Picard rose to his feet. “Fine. We’ll play this game one more time, Q…” And Q grinned.

Picard raised a hand. “ _But –_ I have some provisions.”

“Oh, all right,” Q pouted, “Fire away.”

“You are _not_ to put the Enterprise or its crew in any danger! You will put us back where and when we were.”

“No need to worry about that, Jean-Luc. Our crew has nothing to do with it. I’m not interested in _them_ tagging along. It’s just you and me.”

Picard narrowed his eyes.

“Just you and me?”

He was aware that lately, at least, the entity’s games had seemed focused on Picard and he’d lost all pretense of being humanity’s judge and jury. Which made his presence here all the more inexplicable.

At this point he’d resigned himself to it. Q was interested in what happened to him. For whatever mysterious purpose that was. Sometimes, he was almost helpful, like that one time he’d saved Picard’s life, loathe as he was to admit it. A gift for a gift, he supposed.

Picard relented and crossed to the doorway.

“Fine. But my crew will wonder…”

“You won’t be gone more than a minute of your time! Five at most! Time is _flexible,_ ” Q said. “A lot like me!” And actually winked.

Picard remained stonefaced. Inside he was shrivelling at the pun.

Q gestured at the ready room door, which slid open. It opened onto nothingness. He took a breath to steady himself.

“Come on,” said Q, who held out a hand. Picard allowed himself to be led on through.

They had entered a void of whiteness. Nothing stretched out before him. No horizon. No orientation of up or down. Only himself, Q, and infinity. It was disorienting seeing his own hands stark against a white void. Paper, but without even the texture of paper. No shadow. No light.

Q floated somewhere above (or below) him. Direction had even lost meaning and the door had vanished. It was almost like being on the holodeck and nothing at all like it. He fought the urge to panic that was rising in the back of his mind. Somewhere in his evolutionary memory a primate ancestor was running around screaming at the _wrongness_ of it all.

“Where are we?” Picard grumbled. He folded his arms and tried to look Serious and Resolute.

“Wherever you want to be,” said Q. “Pick a place, any place.”

“I don’t care,” said Picard, “Just take me out of here. The last time I was here I was dead.”

“Sure!” said Q, flashing that big grin again. And he snapped his fingers.

They stumbled onto a planet’s surface.

Picard ducked as molten metal pelted down from the sky.

“What the hell?” he cried, “Is this what you call a vacation?!”

Q was cackling at his reaction. “Relax, Johnny, you’re with me now! None of it can hurt you! Of course, if you _weren’t_ with me, the gravity alone would crush you…”

The chunks of white-hot rain seemed to fall around or through him, as if he were a ghost. Picard stared at where it had passed through his hand.

“Uncertainty is a beautiful thing…” said Q.

“Is it… real?” asked Picard, looking around him at last. His heart beat was still pounding from the adrenaline of it.

“As real as you or me,” Q answered. “If by ‘real’ you mean ‘existing on the same limited plane of existence as half the universe,’ then, sure. We just exist on a different strand.”

“Quite the holiday spot…” Picard said. Looking around him, though, he could see how beautiful the place was, though terrible, with its acid-yellow sky scattered with burnt orange clouds and the craggy architecture of rock mesas that had been flayed by the winds.

On the horizon, a storm was coming, bearing down as a single dark wave that stretched across the horizon where land met sky.

The winds roared higher as it consumed them. No, it couldn’t touch them. If it had, the granules of metal would have stripped the skin from his bones in seconds. He could hear the power contained in it as the wind howled around him and there was a brief descent into blackness. Not even the ground felt solid.

He reached out for balance and in the darkness he was aware of Q as a presence off to one side. Odd and reassuringly solid.

And then, in the next moment, it passed over them. The bare plain stretched out under a clearing sky. Picard found himself smiling, despite it all. He was alive.

Q was watching him.

“Want a tour of the place?” he said.

Picard nodded. “Lead the way.”

It felt like hours of exploration, wandering past wind-weather stone monoliths, deposits of liquid mercury that bubbled near ventilation shafts, and under ancient archways. He tried running and jumping to test out the bizarre gravity of the place. Any of their probes would have been destroyed on the surface but he got to experience it firsthand. There was a certain greedy delight in that fact.

It was only after a while that he remembered that time had passed and he had a job to do. The moon was passing over the planet’s surface and the light cast weird shadows on the dunes. In the distance, another storm was coming.

“I must go back, Q,” he said, with a twinge of regret. He wished he had some way to record what he was seeing.

“Paperwork, over my company?” Q scoffed.

“Don’t overestimate yourself,” said Picard, without any real malice. In truth, it was one of the _least_ unpleasant Q-related experiences he’d had so far. He still kept wondering what the ‘lesson’ was or what Q’s ulterior motive could be. In the end, though, perhaps he was simply showing off.

“You’ll miss me,” said Q, apropos of nothing.

Picard was amused. “Miss you? Bothering me, messing around with reality, badgering my ship? Of course!”

“You will,” said Q, “Won’t you?”

Q wasn’t smiling any more and he hadn’t noticed until now how empty and odd it felt without that smile directed at him. He was baffled.

“What is this about, Q? Are you going somewhere?”

“If I was, would you remember me?”

A doorway appeared before him as if carved into the air. It looked straight onto his ready room. There was the desk and the cup of tea waiting for him.

“Well, I – that’s a rather difficult question to ask, Q… that is to say….”

The storm was approaching rapidly. The noise and darkness of it would cut off any conversation they could hope to have. It didn’t scare him. What bothered him was the strange look on Q’s face. It held that same solemn expression that he’d worn at their last meeting. As if he wanted to say something but couldn’t communicate.

Picard settled for saying: “Yes, all right, I’d miss you.”

He walked through and turned to find the doorway had vanished. Q was sitting on his desk, swinging his legs and grinning at Picard.

“Until next time, Jean-Luc!”

“Now, hang on, I did not agree to any –“

Q snapped his fingers and vanished.

The background noises of the ship surged back all at once. Outside the stars moved past as streaks of light. There was still steam rising from the teacup. Picard sat down at his desk and let out a great sigh of relief.

Loathe as he was to admit it, the whole experience had refreshed him. He felt he could read that report now with new eyes. Back in good time, too; the ship’s clock read only a minute of real-time had passed.

He filed away the worry of more spontaneous Q ‘vacations’ to the back of his mind, and refocused his attention on the report.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still sticking to the 6 chapter estimate bc i don't like to disappoint people
> 
> but boy this is gonna be a LONGFIC
> 
> also i'm going to continue to pick at it and edit as i go because i feel like it's too wordy in places and it's annoying me. feel free to pick up any typos or awkward phrasing!


	3. Stardust

The door chimed.

Picard sighed and put the padd down.

“Enter.”

Riker entered and his expression was relieved.

“Captain! You’re here!”

“Indeed,” said Picard. “Should I not be, Number One?”

“The ship’s computer said you weren’t aboard the Enterprise! Data said it was a glitch, but I wasn’t sure, weirder things have happened…”

Picard paused. There was a moment where he was almost tempted to lie by omission. He didn’t want to alarm the crew and Riker tended to be jumpy whenever Q was involved. And somehow, it didn’t seem like any of their business, anyway. Nothing had come of it. It was only a vacation.

Picard had also made it a habit, in his career and personal life, to live by a code of honesty.

And so he said: “Q came to visit.”

“I’ll alert the – “

“No,” said Picard, and that one word, spoken in that particular tone of command, made Riker pause halfway to the door. “That will not be necessary. Computer, activate privacy protocols.”

Riker frowned.

“Sir?”

“Call a meeting.”

And so in the meeting room the core bridge crew of the _Enterprise_ were seated around the long table. Picard sat at the head, with Riker to his right, Deanna to his left, and further on were Worf, Data, Geordi and Dr Crusher.

“A meeting has not been scheduled, sir, so can we assume this is urgent business?” said Data.

“Yes,” said Picard, “Ordinarily I wouldn’t but I didn’t want to alarm everyone and set off a panic. I urge the rest of you to approach this sensibly. I’ll tell you what I just told Commander Riker: Q has visited me.”

Chatter erupted across the table.

“What is it he wants?”

“You _went_ with him?”

“Is the ship safe?”

Picard raised a hand for silence.

“There’s no need for concern. He no longer seems interested in being humanity’s judge and jury. And I’ve said before that Q’s interest seems focused mainly on myself. He took _me_ away from the _Enterprise,_ and no one else. Any danger is on my head.”

“That’s still a danger to _you,_ sir,” said Dr Crusher reproachfully. “You’re a member of the crew too! We’d all worry if you were injured.”

There were murmurs of agreement.

“I don’t believe that Q poses any danger to myself,” said Picard. “I must remind you all that he has saved my life in the past.”

“What happened this time?” asked Riker.

He proceeded to describe his ‘vacation’ to the crew, based on the log he’d written down afterward. Details of the planet and its makeup and where he’d explored. Picard ended it by saying: “It was an enlightening experience. I was in no danger at all.”

Riker’s tone was sceptical. “What does he _really_ want?”

“Yes, why would you have dealings with such a creature?” Worf rumbled.

“Believe me, I asked myself the same questions,” Picard responded. “To be frank: I have no idea.”

Data responded: “It would be unwise to discount this straight away simply because Q is involved.”

“The captain should still be careful! Q is unpredictable!” Riker argued.

“And why do you assume it’s a _bad_ motive?” This came from Deanna who was sitting to Picard’s left. She raised an eyebrow at him. “Why do you assume he wants to hurt the Captain? Based on his behaviour he doesn’t seem like a threat. What if he’s just… trying to be friendly?”

This earned a mocking laugh from Worf.

“Q has no honour! He is not an ally!”

“Captain, if I may comment…?” said Data from the other end of the table.

Picard nodded.

“Your adventure was a source of valuable information on the planet that we would not otherwise be able to obtain. Perhaps you could continue your logs for future visits.”

“There won’t be any future visits!” Riker shot back.

Picard sighed and raised a hand again. He could sense the discussion becoming heated.

“Listen! I know we aren’t going to all agree at this stage. Regardless of Q’s motives – ‘nice’ or not – his interest is focused solely on me. I may have little choice in the matter. But in the meantime, we might as well make use of it. Data pointed out that this could be a source of valuable information. Unless he directly harms the _Enterprise_ or its crew, I have decided to ‘allow’ these visits. For now.”

Riker was looking across the table at him with a frown. He could tell his first officer disagreed, but he was too tired for peacemaking right now.

“Meeting adjourned. You’re dismissed.”

* * *

 

For a week or so after that first visit, life continued as normal. They stopped off at various trade routes to pick up supplies. Then the _Enterprise_ headed off again into the deep unknown regions of space.

Picard kept expecting Q to pop up out of nowhere. He was twitchy for the first couple of days. But then the mundane gradually took over. There was the daily duties of running the bridge, reading navigational charts, and welcoming alien dignitaries.

He was just getting settled when Q appeared again.

It happened in the middle of a dinner; a formal occasion to welcome three Trill, Vulcan and Betazoid ambassadors. He was halfway through the third course and a conversation with Lwxana Troi when a breath ghosted over his ear.

“Having fun?”

Picard started and his cutlery clattered to the floor.

“Oh, Captain, are you all right?” said Lwxana, looking concerned.

She, and none of the other dignitaries seemed ware of Q sitting on the table, inches away from Picard.

He struggled to compose himself.

“Forgive me, I feel a bit unwell… excuse me…” He rose from his seat, pushed it in, and walked out the door with the most calm he could muster.

Once he was out of earshot, he turned and saw Q behind him, looking ecstatic.

“Don’t do that again!” he hissed, poking him in the chest.

“I thought you said you’d miss me,” Q teased.

“I would… appreciate it… if you were a little more subtle next time,” said Picard in an even tone. “Now, why are you here?”

“You need a break,” said Q, poking him back. “Gosh, isn’t it so _dull_ in there? Listening to the same speeches you’ve heard a thousand times before?”

“That’s my job, Q.”

“Wouldn’t you rather do something fun? Like see the birth of a star! I have a front row seat and a ticket with your name on it.”

Q looped his arm casually through Picard’s as they continued to walk down the deserted corridor. If it had been six years ago, Picard would have pushed him away, but he’d gotten used to Q’s odd humour.

 _And why aren’t you pushing him away?_ said a snide voice in the back of his mind. _Why are you accepting what he gives you?_

He muffled the thought.

“Come onnnnnn,” Q pleaded, “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! I won’t even charge you for it!”

Picard relented. “Fine. No catch?”

“No catch! Let’s go!”

And between one step and the next the walls of the ship fell away. Everything was gone – the hum of the engines, the lights, the murmur of distant conversation. Instead, they walked through stars.

They were in the middle of a vast cloud of gas and glowing dust that swirled and fused.

By any rights, he should be dead. The vacuum of space, the radiation, the blistering eye-searing glow alone should have killed him.

With Q as a steady presence at his side, however, it felt like a stroll in the holodeck. Only a thousand times more vivid.

The veil of dust parted and he saw the epicentre of the light. This was the nursery of the stars. A spinning disc of light was forming at the heart of it.

His mouth hung open. Before him lay a vast sea of dust clouds and each one with its own glowing heart. Each one a star in the making. The fatal heat had been dulled to the pleasant heat of a fireplace.

“Do you like it?” said Q. Picard blinked and was aware for the first time that the entity was watching him. Q’s eyes were wide as he drunk in his every reaction.

“It’s remarkable. Truly. Beautiful,” Picard breathed. He meant it. After a decade or so on a starship you almost began to get _used to_ the universe and then things like this happened to shake you out of it. But he was sure he was one of the first to meet Q and that made something in him delight at the thought.

Q glowed with pleasure. “Go take a closer look!” he said, and pushed Picard towards it.

For a frightening second it felt as if he was falling. But then he flailed his arms and spun around again. And he realised it was not falling but flying. He could move in any direction he chose.

With a rising giddiness he pushed forward and sped through the haze of dust and gases and Q sped after him. What began as an exploration of the star nursery turned into a game of chase, with Q disappearing and reappearing out of existence just to tease him.

He circled round the star and ran his hands through the particles it gave off and saw with wonder that he could shift them.

“Got you!” said Q with glee as he popped up again to tag him.

An idea occurred to Picard. He scooped up more of the star stuff in his hands and molded it and gave it shape.

Q”s head appeared out of a darker section of space and Picard took his chance and lobbed it at him.

“Hey!” Q spluttered. He shook his head and brushed glowing matter from his hair.

“You deserved that,” Picard chuckled.

A grin spread across Q’s face and the game was on again.

Hurtling across the gas clouds pelting molten bits of star at each other, dodging spinning disks of plasma, until they collided and spun apart again.

Picard found himself dizzy and breathless with laughter. And as he looked at Q there was a strange sense of warmth that did not only come from the stars around them.

His laughter faded at the realisation. He suppressed it before it could even become a concrete thought.

And then: “Look, look,” said Q, pointing, and the birth of the star was more like an explosion. An accelerated expansion of light that rumbled outwards in every direction. The shockwaves rippled through space and the brilliance almost blinded him.

They watched and drifted to a further distance away as the star emerged from the nursery and into space.

“There,” said Q, “Told you you’d enjoy it. Didn’t I?”

Picard felt the smile return again.

“Yes – I must admit, it was worth it.”

“See!” said Q. “You had a good time! Let’s go some place else!”

“Unfortunately, I have a dinner to attend, and I hope I’m not late for it…” said Picard and this time the regret was more genuine. He saw Q’s expression falter for a second.

“Oh, five minutes at most!” Q scoffed.

And in a burst of light they had returned to the hallway.

“Farewell, Jean-Luc!” said Q. He vanished.

Picard took a deep breath to settle himself before he pushed open the door of the dining hall and sat down.

“Apologies,” said Picard as he sat down and turned towards Lwxana Troi, “I’m feeling much better now.”

Lwxana was staring at him with an odd expression.

“What is it?” said Picard.

She leaned over and brushed the lapels of his suit. Her eyebrows rose.

“Why, Jean-Luc, is this _glitter?_ Were you having a party without me?”

It was glitter, of the cheap party variety.

He should have known that Q was never subtle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter, enjoy!
> 
> there is an Important Meeting and Picard gets covered in glitter


	4. Trust

Q was hovering somewhere in remote space. Here, he was tinkering as he took bits of stars, rock and gas and molded it into something new. Until a planet had begun to form out of the spinning clouds. Just add water...

Q flinched. Somewhere at the formless edge of his being he felt a nudge. The ripples of someone disturbing his space.

"Go away," he said, "I'm busy."

YOU KNOW WHY WE HAVE COME, Q, said the Q in unison.

"Like I said, I'm in the middle of something here, make it quick!"

ALWAYS WITH THE HUMANOID COLLOQUIALISMS, the Q admonished, YOU CONTINUE TO DISAPPOINT.

The Continuum passed through space, knocking his planet aside and off its orbit. It tilted on its side and the growing microbes on its surface withered and died.

"Hey!" he protested, "I just started that!"

IT WOULD HAVE PERISHED ANYWAY. YOU KNOW THE RULES, Q.

"Since when have I cared about rules?" he scoffed, "I'm Q, I do what I want."

WE ARE Q, AND WE DO NOT CREATE THINGS WHICH ARE PERMANENT, the Continuum said, AND FURTHERMORE, WE DO NOT MEDDLE IN OTHER CREATURES AFFAIRS.

"Oh, please!" he cried, "You lot do enough meddling! What about that business on Altus Prime? Gee, let's start a war and introduce the locals to faster-than-light travel! And what about that time you made those sentient blue gas clouds?"

THAT WAS ONE TIME, the Q retorted. THE Q MUST REMAIN Q. WE DO NOT INVOLVE OURSELVES WITH MORTALS.

"I am not involved with anything," Q protested. "What is this really about?"

YOUR AFFECTION FOR THIS PICARD HAS GONE ON FOR LONG ENOUGH, Q.

"Affection?" Q cried. "That is ridiculous, and absurd, and completely baseless! Picard is just a curiosity! I'm still Q."

THEN PROVE IT.

Fury filled him. With a burst of light, he vanished. Catapulted halfway across the galaxy out into the unknown regions of deep space, where he sat on an asteroid and sulked.

Ridiculous, he thought. As if he was "involved" with Picard, who was nothing but a meaningless blip on the timescale of eternity, a mortal, who was even now growing old.

Strange how the thought of Picard ceasing to exist unsettled him.

* * *

  
The crew of the Enterprise were taking a break as the ship hovered above the planet.

They were sat around a table playing poker. Geordi had just beaten Worf for a third time in a row when Picard stepped through the doorway.

"Everyone packed and ready?" He was beaming at them.

"Yes, sir," said Riker, "Care to join us, Captain? We might need a referee if Worf loses again."

"No. Thank you for the offer, but I have another appointment. Enjoy yourselves! We'll go planetside in half an hour."

He gave a cheerful wave and left.

As soon as his footsteps faded down the corridor, the crew members shared a collective look of surprise. All except Data who hadn't picked up on it.

"He's in a good mood..." said Beverly.

"Was that a smile?"

Data tilted his head. "I do not understand. Is something wrong?"

Deanna said in a patient tone: "The captain isn't usually so expressive, Data. He tends to show his affection for us in a more... uh, subdued way."

"What Counsellor Troi means is I don't think I've ever seen him smile like that," said Riker. "Until now."

Geordi snorted. "He came into engineering the other day and said - get this! - something about ice cream. And how we should all go and have a half hour break so we could try some!"

Data frowned. "That is somewhat unusual. Could the Captain be compromised?"

There was scattred laughter around the table. But Worf slapped his cards down.

"You all make fun, but that is the truth!" he growled.

Riker scratched at his beard with a thoughtful expression.

"It may not be that far fetched. Weirder stuff has happened to us. Remember that one time we all got that virus and- "

"An experience we'd all like to forget," said Beverly.

Everyone nodded.

Deanna changed the subject. "Honestly, Will! I think it's nice to see the Captain happy for once. He's only excited because Q's visiting again."

"Exactly," said Riker, glancing at Worf, "How do we know Q isn't messing with him?"

* * *

  
Picard was surprised by a call over the comm. The crew was having a guided tour of the city capital, courtesy of the diplomatic attache.

He fumbled to put it down and press the button.

"Picard, here. Yes, sir?"

The fuzzy hologram of Admiral Paterson floated into view.

"Whatever other conversations you have can wait, Captain," his voice came crackling over the comm, "This is of utmost priority."

He made a quick apology and broke away from the group to find an empty space removed from the main courtyard. It was quiet here and secluded by the thick mass of purple vegetation that was so dense it seemed to absorb sound. No privacy settings here but it would have to do.

He set the comm unit on the ground. The complete figure of the Admiral stepped into view. He had thinning hair, an expanding waist, and the pips at his collar gave his rank and station. Even across the light years he carried the presence of authority.

The Admiral saluted, and Picard did the same.

"Sir, if I might inquire - " he began.

"Naturally you want to know what's so important to interrupt diplomacy. I won't keep you longer than necessary, Captain. Starfleet HQ has received your reports about the Q entity."

"Well, I hope they were useful," said Picard. He was conscious of the way his hands were tensing up and made himself relax them. There was no need to be anxious.

"Useful, yes, but we have concerns, Captain."

Picard bit back a sigh. "Sir, I have weighed the risks carefully. It is my duty. I would never put my crew in unnecessary danger."

The Admiral raised a hand.

"Just a warning. Take care, Captain."

Picard paced now, and ran a hand over his head, fingers brushing over stray bristles that needed a shave.

"With respect, I've taken as much care as possible. Q just - just shows up. There's not much I can do about that."

"I am not questioning your intentions, Captain," said the Admiral. And his tone didn't sound angry. It was gentle, soothing, like the tone one would use with a nervous ensign or a child, and that was worse than anger.

"I am sure you have the best of intentions," the Admiral continued, "But your manner towards the Q entity in these logs is too familiar."

"Overly - " Picard blurted, took a moment and composed himself. He started again. "Sir, I am only as familiar as I have to be. I'd like to point out that it isn't a good idea to provoke a being capable of level 10 reality warping..."

"And that is our concern. Captain, what is your view of the entity?"

He could feel the sharp eyes of the Admiral on him and sensed that this was somehow a trick question. Picard paused before speaking.

"Q is... unpredictable, and a prankster, and capricious. In the past he's been dangerous, yes, but... I've known him for years now. It feels as if he's shifted. Become more understanding of humanity. At any rate, he seems to have given up his role as our judge and jury."

"And you trust him then?"

This last question was pointed. Picard took a breath.

"I trust him to be Q. His intentions so far have always been good, even if he comes at it in a roundabout way. I suppose - yes. Yes. I trust him. I don't believe he would ever hurt me, for what it's worth."

He felt a surge of bright affection in his chest as he said this and realised as the words were spoken that they were true.

But the Admiral was frowning at him.

"Thank you for your opinion, Captain. But have you considered whether that's true, or just an effect of Q?"

"What are you getting at?"

"You said before he's capable of level 10 reality warping. What if you trust him because he wants you to?"

Picard bit back a comment. The entire meeting had left him with an uneasy gut feeling.

"Thank you sir," he said in a curt tone, "You've given me a lot to consider."

"All we ask is your consideration," said the Admiral with a gentle smile.

Picard noddded. "I shall try to keep Q at a distance, sir. That may be difficult, but I'll try."

"Good man. You know, your name's been considered for a position on the board at headquarters. You're a reliable man, Jean-Luc. Keep your wits about you. Paterson out."

The Admiral saluted and the comm went dead.

For a long while, Picard stood in the vacant courtyard. It was dim here in the shadows of the purple leaves. The uneasiness in his gut remained no matter how hard he tried to will it away. He wanted to trust Q, he realised, but how much of that was Q's doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> argh sorry this took so long to update guys. i've FINALLY started this up again. i was this close to giving up on this fic tbh, it's just been difficult to write and i've been tired and sad. you know that feel when everything you write sucks and everything you do sucks and nothing is working?  
> but there's a new chapter! hooray!


	5. Tea, Earl Grey, hot

For a week, there were no visits at all. And then one day Q appeared out of nowhere.

Between one blink and the next, Picard found himself sitting in a chair. It overlooked a wine grove and a grassy lawn dotted with flowers. Sunlight filtered through the leaves of a tree. Fat bumblebees buzzed through the grass.

There was a wrought iron table next to him with a China tea set and a plate of croissants. The smell of earl grey tea wafted up on the breeze. It felt more real than the filtered oxygen of the ship yet he knew it was a lie.

"What is this?" he said aloud.

There was disembodied laughter first and then Q himself appeared in the chair opposite. He was dressed in a suit the colour of melted ice-cream and wore a straw boater hat perched on his head.

"Good afternoon, mon cherie! Care for a croissant?"

And he offered Picard the plate.

Picard frowned and pushed it aside.

"No, Q."

"What do you mean, no?" Q said, looking at him with wide eyes. "Don't you recognize it?"

Picard folded his arms.

"I do know where I am, Q. Of course I 'd know my own father's estate. And I don't appreciate it."

He got up from his seat and walked further away towards the rows of vines.

"Send me back, Q."

Q gave a strained, small laugh and followed him. He popped up again from behind the vines.

"What's wrong, Jean-Luc? I thought you liked our little interludes. It's a taste of home!"

"This isn't home," said Picard, "it's a fabrication you plucked from my memory and you couldn't even get the details right. I've never cared much for croissants."

 Q shrugged.

"Well, we can have cake if you'd prefer..."

And he raised his hand. Picard stopped him. The wrist beneath his fingers certainly felt real, but who could tell with Q?

"What else have you taken from my head, Q?" Picard said in a cold tone. "You're not one for charity."

"There's no need to be so suspicious, captain! I assure you, it's nothing but a gesture of good will and mutual -"

"Enough," said Picard. "No more theatrics, Q. No more showing off, no more 'presents'. And take that ridiculous hat off."

Q's smile faded. The entire ensemble disappeared and he was simply Q in his mock uniform as Picard had always seen him.

He wore a convincing expression of surprise.

"What have I done now?" he wheedled.

"You've been messing around in my head. Stop it! Stop reading my thoughts, stop -"

"That was only one time! Okay, maybe twice..."

"Then you admit it!" Picard raged. "Stop lying! Stop manipulating my feelings!"

"Your feelings?" said Q, looking bemuses.

"Don't play coy. What are you getting out of this? Is it some sick joke? Does the idea of seducing me amuse you?" he spat.

Q, for once, said nothing. He looked stunned.

"I thought you were better than that! Bringing me places, trying to befriend me - honestly! Well I hope you got a laugh out of it!"

He took a shaking breath and found himself startled at his own sense of personal hurt.

What surprised him more was Q's reaction.

Until now it had been surface stuff - a mimicry of human expression. Now there was genuine anger in his face. 

"Really?"Q said, in a high, mocking tone, "Oh, Captain Picard, you overestimate your importance! Seduce you?" 

He cackled. "As if I'd bother with the base emotions of some meagre lower lifeform! Your existence is a blip! Nothing!"

Picard was silent. He could only watch in growing humiliation as Q ranted.

"As if the Q would stoop to your level! As if I'd have feelings for you! It's an insult!"

Q raised his hand. The field had dissolved to a white void. For a moment Picard was afraid he'd do something dangerous. 

"Goodbye, Jean-Luc," Q said coldly, and seized him by his collar and kissed him. It was a rough kiss that seemed to suck all the air from his lungs. And when he at last let go, Picard found himself stumbling back into the ready room. 

He was shaking. As he straightened up and breathed again, he said: "Are you quite done, Q?"

But no one answered. Perhaps Q was gone for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol im editing from mobile rn so there msy be mistakes, enjoy the chapter neighborinos


	6. Debriefing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so i feel like I'm finally getting back into this thing and enjoying writing again! Hope u guys like this chapter. Apologies for the long wait between updates. More to come v. soon.

Ten weeks. That was all the time that had passed since Picard's final, disastrous conversation with Q.

And there had been nothing but silence since then.

A part of him had expected worse. An angry Q was not something to mess with. Instead - nothing.

After, Picard had sat in the silence and tried to write a log. It had been weeks now and all he could do was stare at the recorder.

So he hadn't finished it. There were other matters to deal with. Their travels into deep space had taken them to a newly built space station which was a restoration project for the ruined planet below.

Starfleet oversaw the ferrying of supplies and specialists back and forth. It was the sort of frenetic work that he could throw himself into.

It didn't help.

He was plagued by memories of the kiss. Q had probably done it just to mess with him, and it worked. Even in the chaos of the busy terminal the memory of it would return.

He could still recall the softness of Q's mouth and the look in his eyes as he pulled away. Not quite anger. 

Again and again, Picard pushed the memories aside, until they managed to find him again.

That afternoon, the door chimed. Deanna Troi entered. 

She smoothed her uniform and sat down on one of the couches. The door shut behind her.

"What can I help you with, Commander?" said Picard, in his kindest tone. "I see here you've requested a debriefing. Is everything all right?"

He hadn't noticed anything 'off' lately with Deanna or the crew, but then again, he was not able to watch over everyone all the time. 

"It's not about me, sir," said Deanna, "it's about someone else."

"And what's going on?" Picard asked.

Deanna spoke with caution.

"I've noticed they seem distracted lately. Distanced from their work, though they try to mask it. And a terrible distress. They're at risk of burnout."

Picard frowned. "Have you tried approaching them directly?"

 "I... wasn't sure how to approach a senior officer, sir."

It clicked. Picard sighed and moved away from the desk. 

"So this is _my_  debriefing then... I'd hoped I wasn't projecting emotion so strongly as that."

Deanna had on her Counselling Face. He'd seen it before but never been on the other end of it.

"This is only a request sir. It's in confidence. And you can still overrule me if you want to. But... my job on this ship is to administer to the crew. You're part of this family on board, an important part."

Picard slumped on the couch. He did not usually slump but he felt aged all of a sudden. 

"Perhaps you're right. I wouldn't be much of a leader if I didn't listen to advice..." he mused.

And he found himself talking to Deanna, first about the banalities of the restoration project, circling around the edge of the truth.

Then she asked: "Has Q come to visit again?"

Picard smiled. "If I didn't know better I'd accuse you of mind-reading, Counselor. ...Yes. He visited me for the last time ten weeks ago."

Finally he talked about the things he had been unable to name. With each word spoken the tiredness seemed to lift. 

When he was finished, Deanna said: "You know I'm going to ask you how you feel about that. And about Q."

"Well, I..." 

Picard paused and found he couldn't answer. Whatever it was, the knowledge was held somewhere within Deanna Troi's placid, dark gaze. She didn't flinch from anything.

"Whatever you're afraid of," she said, "has what you feel changed since Q has gone?"

Picard felt the awareness almost as a physical blow. 

He had put a lot in his logs - accounts of stars being born and unexplored planets and the crystalline structure of old ruins.

What he hadn't put into words was the prickle down his spine when Q watched him and he looked back and was caught. The way Q had a presence, as though all the atoms in the room had rearranged themselves around him.

When he touched Q's wrist he'd felt a trace of it. It was the sense of something Other staring back at him and dissecting him.

And it should have made him afraid but he had always been a bit foolish, in the end.

"No," said Picard in a faint voice, "No, my feelings are still unchanged. That's worse."

"Why?"

"I'd rather hoped it was all one of his games. Now it's... more complicated than that."

He glanced over at his desk which still held a clear container filled with dancing silver filaments. Star stuff. Souvenirs from another journey that he should have gotten rid of. Now he realized it was the only bit of Q he had left.

And he knew the question Deanna would ask next:  _what are you going to do about it?_


	7. Madeleine

First it was the little jar of star stuff. He turned it over in his hands and wondered what to say.

At last he said: "Q."

Nothing. A dark room and no reply. 

Then: "Q. I know you can hear me."

Still nothing. Picard grew irritated. And the thought occurred to him that perhaps Q really couldn't hear him now and their connection had been severed.

"Q," he said in a brisk tone, "I think you should have this back. It's an apology, if you want it."

He set it back down on the desk. Nothing happened and Picard felt foolish talking aloud to no one. 

He returned to his shift and thought nothing more of it until the next day when he looked at his desk and he saw it had vanished. 

As soon it was gone he began to miss having it there.

* * *

 

Nothing more happened for about three months. The settlement and restoration project planetside was going well.

He was almost too busy to think about personal matters, until one afternoon when he stepped into the briefing room and found something left there on the table.

There was a pot of tea in a little china cup with steam rising off it and next to it a plate with a golden madeleine cake. Warm and fresh.

He picked it up as if it were a bomb because you never could tell with some of the things that happened on the Enterprise.

The cup and saucer felt solid. The tea was hot to taste and the cake crumbled as he bit into it. There was the faint aroma of citrus.

Then he spied the note resting underneath. (Gold-plated, of course, and written with flourish.) It read:  _Apology accepted. -Q_

Picard snorted. "And I don't suppose I'll ever get an apology for being called a 'meagre lower lifeform.'"

Nevertheless, he took another bite of the madeleine cake and his eyes closed at the taste of it. It was almost like home.


	8. Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!!! KISSING! IT'S ONLY CHAPTER 8 BUT WE GOT THERE. (this is the slowest burn i've ever written tbh.)
> 
> this chapter was super difficult to write at first but then i had to rework plot stuff so i think it's okay now
> 
> let me know if it makes any damn sense

From that point on, Picard suspected that Q wasn't gone for good.

It was in the little things. He woke up each morning feeling refreshed, regardless of how late he'd worked the night before. The shower was always at an optimum temperature. The food didn't quite taste like replicated meals - it was better. Somehow, it felt like there was more  _time_ in the morning, though he could never confirm that the clock was running slow.

And the restoration program was going well. Miraculously so. A string of crises were coincidentally averted - an outbreak of plague was contained to one patient and a miracle cure was found, a group of scientists walked away from a crash unscathed, and a long-extinct species was rediscovered. Opposing tribal factions had reached a treaty they'd never managed to sign in a hundred years. The engineers spent more time sitting around playing 3-dimensional chess than they did working, because nothing broke down. 

Admiral Paterson called him to congratulate him. "You're doing fine work, Captain Picard! This will be an example to all of Starfleet." He could only stammer about how it wasn't  _him_ at all. It was luck. More than luck. 

He couldn't prove anything. But every week or so he left out a gift. A little bottle of rare vintage wine or a gourmet cheese platter. He suspected these were appreciated in much the same way a child's soggy macaroni-and-glitter art project is appreciated. But his 'offerings' vanished. And the string of good luck continued.

One day something happened to stem all doubt.

Picard stood on the bridge bathed in the red glow of the emergency beacons.

A stray asteroid was headed towards the orbital station. The Enterprise was several kilometres away for observation and they were preparing to launch a missile to push the asteroid off-course. It was the most actual work he'd had to do in weeks. 

Geordi's fingers were poised over the trigger as the asteroid entered the viewscreen. It appeared in a hail of blue fire and ice. 

"Ready," warned Picard.

It was on a steady path for the station. Thousands of people had already been evacuated but there were more still aboard.

Geordi's finger twitched.

"Ready..." 

The asteroid passed within their sights.

"Fire!" 

The timing was a fraction off. The missile just brushed past the asteroid, which hurtled towards the station. Geordi swore. The crew all stared, silent, as it continued on its inevitable path. In that split-second, Picard had no idea what to do. All he felt was panic.

And then the asteroid changed course. It was flung violently to one side and spun off and out into space.

There was a second of silence on the bridge and then cheers and applause. Shouts came over the intercom. The crew were laughing in relief, and Riker clapped Picard on the back. 

"I have no idea what the hell just happened, sir, but I'm glad it worked!"

Picard was not smiling. Nor were Geordi and Data.

"Did you see that...?" said Geordi in a faint voice. "I... what just happened?" 

Data tilted his head as he processed.

"What just occured is impossible by all known laws of physics, sir." 

"Maybe there's something out there," Geordi suggested as he stared out past the viewscreen. "I don't think a cloaked Romulan warbird would be helpful, though." 

"Indeed," said Picard. "Scan the area." He knew even as he suggested it that the scans would show up with nothing but it would help Geordi's peace of mind.

Later that evening, when celebrations had died down, Picard was one of the few people still working. The lights in his ready room were dimmed as the artificial 'evening' set in. Once he was sure he was alone, he powered down his computer and the intercom.

After a moment, he said aloud: "Q. I know it's you. I'm not sure what game you're playing now, but I'd like to talk to you." 

"You rang?"

Q flashed into existence behind him. He looked the same as ever, with an insolent grin and a wild mess of hair. A part of Picard wanted to smile back. Another part was still exasperated.

"I haven't heard from you in weeks, Q. Why show up now? Why interfere? Why any of this?" 

Q shrugged. "What, no thank you? Can't I be charitable every now and again?" 

He draped himself over the couch and Picard looked away.

"We both know this isn't about charity," he said. "I thought we were 'lower lifeforms'. Yet you've been hovering around me for weeks now. The food isn't the same." 

"Oh. You noticed." Q looked surprised at that.

Picard pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "I am capable of being observant. And you still haven't answered my question. Not really." 

"No thank you?" Q pouted, "No  _gee, Q, thanks for saving our asses_?"

"Why? Why _me?_ " said Picard, staring at him.

Q had a sudden, uncomfortable expression. He blurted out something too rushed for Picard to hear.

"I didn't catch that." 

"I'm sorry! All right? I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I thought you wanted me gone but I couldn't stay away because I'm a sentimental idiot who's in love with you, I guess, and I just wanted to help! Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Q's eyes were bright and wild and he almost looked  _panicked_ , which was ridiculous, because he was Q. Before Picard could even open his mouth, there was a bright flash of light, and Q vanished again. The room went dark.

Picard was having none of it. 

"Q," he said, to the empty air, "You can't just drop something like that and then run away. It's not fair."

There was a period of some minutes where it was totally silent. And then Q appeared again, without any of his usual fanfare and drama, without even a flash of light. He seemed to shrink back where he stood. Picard had never seen Q look anything but confident.

He sighed and stepped towards Q, who was strangely still for someone so animated.

"Apology accepted," said Picard, in a gentler tone.

"Huh? Don't you  _care_ about what I said?!" Q spluttered.

Picard raised a hand. "I'm getting to that. I didn't think you were capable of being subtle, although the asteroid will be a bit harder to explain-"

"It was cool, though, right?"

"Yes, all right. It was impressive. Well done."

Q's face lit up. 

Picard looked at him.

"I just want honesty, Q - did you mean it?"

"Of course I did!" he snapped. "Or I wouldn't have said it!"

"Good," said Picard, approaching him, "I have to admit I was... heartened by what you did today. You didn't have to save any of those people, I'm sure, but you made that mock uniform more convincing." 

Q's expression shifted to panic again as Picard moved into his personal space. A hand drifted to his shoulder and then moved up to brush his jaw with light fingers.

"What are you doing?"

"Saying thank you," said Picard. Then he drew him closer and kissed him.

This time was different. Unhurried. He made sure to do a thorough job of it. Q made a small sound of surprise at the contact and then melted in his arms.

To his surprise, Q turned out to be... an awkward kisser. He was overeager and clumsy and didn't seem to know where to put his hands. Picard drew away.

"Slow down..." he managed to get out, "There's no rush at all."

All of a sudden Picard had an armful of affectionate Q. Warm hands were wrapped around him, fingers seeking to touch any bit of skin they could find, and a soft mouth that was pressed at his neck and jaw. The slight nip of teeth made Picard gasp and almost overbalance as he stumbled towards the couch.

He tugged on Q's hair to steady him. There was a pair of dark eyes fixed upon him, mere inches away. Q was sitting astride him on the couch. He could hear his breath in his ear. He was just as greedy as Q but there was always a part of him that would urge  _wait_ and  _caution._ Admittedly, there was also a part of him that liked to indulge in the waiting. 

He kissed him again, even slower this time, and ran his tongue along the edge of his teeth. Q let out a soft noise and seemed to sink into him. He was a warm, soft weight and convincingly human. With each lazy kiss Q seemed to adapt and get better at it. He was good at it now. Too good. Soon Picard felt his own pulse pick up. Q was moving against him - a small, involuntary movement - and it was distracting, to say the least. 

He let out a sharp breath. "Not - not here - " he managed to gasp out. Q's eyes were dark. Void-black and dotted with stars as he leaned down and nibbled gently at Picard's neck.

"Why not?" said Q, with a grin.

Picard let out a shudder and gave himself over again to mindless touch. He buried his hands in Q's hair and kissed him once more and Q's fingers sought bare skin underneath his jacket. And he was in the midst of this tangle, unsure where either of them began, when the worst thing of all happened - 

The door opened.

It was Data. Poor, oblivious Data who had just walked right in.

"Sir, Geordi and I have scanned the area and found no signs at all of any cloaked vessels..."

Picard stared. Q stared. Data stared. 

There was a flash of light.

 


	9. Retreat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're in endgame now kiddos. 
> 
> maybe 1 or 2 chapters to go!!! i'm blasting through this so i can finish before nanowrimo hits!
> 
> (i'm also gonna go back and fix the dodgy formatting in the last few chapters which i posted from mobile.)

It was a cloudless day. Waves lapped at the shore of a beach. The water was pure blue, shifting to deepest teal in the depths, and it was clear all the way down to the bottom. Picard stared down at his bare feet in shock. There were tropical fish darting around his ankles. Bright flashes of scarlet and yellow.

He looked up. There was the white line of the dunes and beyond them green fringed palms and the silhouette of a figure walking towards him. At first, all he could make out was a blaze of lurid colour. As they got closer, Picard saw that they were wearing a Hawaiian shirt, white shorts, and a pair of hideous sandals.  He glanced down and saw that he was wearing an identical shirt with a print of hibiscus on it.

"Q," he said, "What the bloody hell is going on?"

"Want a cocktail?" said Q, offering him an electric blue concoction with a silly straw and a little umbrella in it. 

Picard stared at it.

"No, Q, I don't want a cocktail."

"Suit yourself," said Q and took a sip.

Picard looked around him. It was the perfect amalgamation of every ideal Earth holiday spot. Too perfect.

"Where are we?" Picard asked.

"Don't you like it?" said Q with a proud grin.

"It's beautiful, but I still don't know what this place is."

"It's yours!" said Q, "I made it for you."

There was a minute before Picard managed to process that and his mouth hung open.

"Mine?" he echoed, "Q, did you make me a  _planet?"_

"Isn't it great? It's got a pristine ecosystem! The fish evolved independently - I mean, I gave them a little nudge, but they're the real thing!"

Picard stared at the fish. He had a sudden need for that cocktail.

"I... but... why? What am I going to  _do_ with it, Q?

"Well, I don't know," said Q, beginning to sound a little irritated, "It's a planet, it's not  _for_ anything. Maybe it can be a conversation piece. You're welcome."

Picard shook his head. "No, Q, we shouldn't be here. The last thing I recall, Lieutenant Data had raised the alarm."

Q just shrugged. 

"We're away from all that now! Relax! Enjoy it."

Picard turned and began striding away, out of the water and onto the sand, which was the perfect ambient temperature and didn't even stick to his toes. 

Q hurried after him.

"Where are you going? What'd I do now?"

"Take me back, Q," said Picard in a grave tone.

"But we just got away!"

Picard stood, not looking at Q, his posture straight even on the uncertain footing of the sands. 

"You want me to stay here. With you."

"Well, yeah, that's the general idea," said Q, looking at him, "Don't you  _want_ to be with me?"

Picard let out an exasperated sigh.

"Of course I do! But I'm the Captain of the _Enterprise_ , Q, and nothing will change that! There's responsibility to others. Maybe you don't know what that's like, but I do. I have a duty to my ship and my crew - god knows where they are now - and yes, _I have to go back_."

Q looked distraught.

"But - but they'll fire you! I just wanted to protect you - "

"And what would I become out here, Q?" Picard gestured at the paradise around him. "What would I do? I'm not going to back down from my duty. If they fire me, then that's the price I pay for loving you, and I have to pay it. Because I owe it to my crew, and to myself, and to you. You can't save me, Q. This is something I have to face alone."

There was a long pause where Q processed this. He looked a little sad. Then he shrugged and tipped his drink out, and he clapped him around the shoulders. 

"Jean-Luc, I wouldn't have you any other way."

And he kissed him on the cheek.


	10. The Hearing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i had to split this chapter into two bc it's so damn long omg guys
> 
> also the entire thing is written, as in "THE END", but i've just gotta type it up before nanowrimo hits
> 
> *writing intensifies*

Picard soon found himself wishing he'd taken up Q's offer. He was confined to his quarters for several hours, with Worf standing outside the door.

Riker came to visit first. He came striding through the door all red-faced and wide-eyed.

"What's going on, sir? Tell me Data's got a glitch."

Picard turned to him and said: "Data is functioning perfectly fine. Everything he has told you is true."

From there they descended into argument with Riker jabbing a finger at him and yelling.

"I knew he was playing mindgames! He made you do this, why can't you see it!"

"Q didn't _make me_ do anything, Commander. At least give me some credit for my own actions," he retorted.

In the end, Riker stormed out. He almost seemed to take it as a personal betrayal. And for another hour, Picard was not allowed to leave.

Beverly and Deanna were the next visitors. Dr Crusher ran a series of physical tests. Bloodwork, oxygen, monitoring for parasites and chemicals. She didn't talk to him and barely met his eyes, except for one pitying look. Being considered pathetic instead of deranged was somehow worse.

She shut the medical kit with a decisive snap.

"Well, Captain, you're not suffering from hallucinogens, a virus, or anything else I can find. Brain scans are normal, but we'll see what Counselor Troi has to say," she said. Then she turned and left the room.

Deanna, who had been waiting nearby, cast him an apologetic look. "I'm next. And I am sorry, sir, but it's necessary."

Picard just nodded. "Of course, Counselor. Id' expect nothing less than for all of you to do your jobs."

He had to go through a round of psych tests. For most of them the purpose seemed elusive - just another round of barriers to pass through. At the end of it all, as Deanna was packing away the computer, she said to him: "You passed, sir."

"Will it help my chances?"

"It might. Although, truthfully, I sense the Admiral already has a preconceived idea of what the situation is."

Picard nodded, trying not to show the heaviness he felt. "I thought he might."

Deanna gave him a long, searching look.

"I'm surprised Q hasn't interfered yet."

"He hasn't interfered because I asked him not to," said Picard.

"Then he must care for you a lot," said Deanna quietly, "Good luck sir."

It was a brief reprieve. A few hours later, the door to his room opened again, and he knew it was time.

Riker just gave him a curt nod. "Admiral Paterson is here... sir. Come with us."

"Of course," said Picard in a mild tone, as if he'd been asked to go to a routine inspection, and set down his book. At his right side he could feel Q's presence all of a sudden. Faint but there.

 _You don't have to do this,_ said Q,  _I could make them forget._

 _I would have had to tell them sooner or later,_ he thought.

With absolute calm, he stood up and followed Riker down the hallway with Worf shadowing him.

Picard had been to hearings before. He knew how it all worked. But now that he was on the other side it was a new type of stress.

The meeting room they used for this purpose was a high-ceilinged chamber with open walls and two long benches flanking the center aisle. Data took a seat on the left hand bench and Riker sat on the right. At the far wall was a raised section, behind which sat Admiral Paterson, and the holographic forms of a few other representatives he recognised from the Starfleet bureaucracy. Picard was escorted to the chair in the center. He sat alone and under the eyes of everyone in the room.

"Captain Jean-Luc Picard," said Admiral Paterson, as he rose to his full height and looked down at him, "You have been accused of inappropriate conduct not befitting a senior officer, and furthermore, compromise by a hostile entity. As a Starfleet officer and citizen of Earth, you have a right to a fair trial. Commander William Riker will be making the case against you, and Lieutenant Data has offered to defend you."

"I understand," Picard replied.

He risked a glance at his two crew members. Riker was stonefaced. Data, as always, looked implacable.

"You have a chance to plead now," said Paterson.

"Guilty," said Picard quietly, and heard a slight sound of surprise from Riker, "of a lapse in judgement, yes, but with the proviso that Q is not a "hostile entity." He is no danger to myself or this crew."

Admiral Paterson raised an eyebrow.

"We'll see what the evidence has to say."

And the trial began. First Riker gave his evidence, detailing the litany of dangerous situations the crew and Picard had been placed in.

"From the beginning, he's judged humanity," said RIker, "How can we possibly trust him?"

"Even immortals are capable of growing and changing," said Picard.

"He's capable of reality warping. What's not to say he hasn't manipulated _you?_ "

In response, Deanna and Beverly both handed over their medical evidence.

"Would you say the Captain has been _influenced_ by Q? Unabalanced? Have you witnessed any strange behaviour?"

Deanna just smiled and said: "His psychological tests are negative for any kind of anomaly apart from some understandable stress, sir."

Paterson drummed his fingers in frustration on the table.

After the first hour, Picard was tired. After the third, he was annoyed. This was beginning to feel less and less like a hearing and more like an interrogation. Paterson seemed determined to get _something,_ and he was fixated on every detail. Everything had to be recounted.

"What about Data? Shouldn't he have a chance to speak?" said one of the other representatives all of a sudden. They were beginning to look as tired as Picard felt. (Even over holographic link.)

Admiral Paterson sighed and finally conceded. "Yes, yes, of course. Commander Data. Can you make _any_ case that this Q is not a threat?"

Data rose to his feet. He gave a brief nod of acknowledgement and said, in his modulated voice: "Of course, sir. You have heard from the Commander how Q has shown hostility to the Enterprise on multiple occasions..." And he began listing off _again_ every single thing that Q had ever done.

 Picard groaned internally. The Admiral had even had enough, too, as halfway through, he cut Data off.

"Yes, Commander, we've heard all this! But my question is: why would Q help Starfleet? Why would he not destroy the Enterprise?"

Data blinked as he processed.

"Why, the answer is quite simple, sir. Q is in love with Captain Picard."

The Admiral breathed out slowly through his nose. He clasped his hands behind his back as he looked at Data.

"In your... learned opinion of love, of course, Commander, _how can you prove this._ How can you prove beyond a shred of doubt that Q is not dangerous?!"

Data paused. Then: "I am afraid I cannot, sir. His very nature makes this difficult."

Picard felt his heart sink.

Admiral Paterson paced down the long aisle towards him.

"And you - Captain Picard - it is only your own word against evidence. Do you deny misconduct?"

Picard looked back with a level stare. "I do not."

"Do you deny that the Q entity is dangerous, malicious, and hostile towards the fate of humanity?"

"I do!" Picard shot back. "Everything and everyone in this universe is capable of change, Admiral, including us, and including Q."

The Admiral spluttered: "Based on what evidence?" He was gradually turning redder and redder and the white of his moustache stood out against his cheeks.

"I know Q would not hurt me. I... I feel it."

"You _feel it._ Commander Data, do you consider feelings to be an accurate metric of reality?"

Data frowned. "Well - human feelings are not always reflective of objective facts, however..."

"Enough said." Admiral Paterson snapped, "These feelings of yours are fabrications, a dream that this entity has convinced you is real! Do you deny it?"

 "I would trust Q with my life," said Picard.

"Then you're a damn fool -"

They were interrupted by the screeching of klaxons. And then the room was plunged into darkness. Red light flared suddenly, illuminating Picard and Paterson. The holograms vanished. Again and again the alarm sounded. Then, Geordi's voice came over the intercom: "Red alert! Crew to the bridge! Red alert!"

Picard could detect the note of anxiety in Geordi's voice and he stood up at once. So had Data.

"What the hell is going on?" boomed Paterson.

"I'm going to the bridge - " said Picard, getting up to leave, but was blocked by the Admiral.

"The hell you are! In your state? No. You'll stay here."

"He can come with me. I'll take the bridge, sir." Riker had stepped in to stare down the Admiral. "With all due respect, sir, let's not waste time arguing."

They left the room, Picard rushing down the corridor, closely followed by Riker, Data, and Paterson. The halls were swarming with officers heading to their emergency stations. With each step, he could feel the vibrations running through the frame of the ship. It almost felt like that time they'd gone through an asteroid field at sub-warp speed. As if the Enterprise was being buffeted by an outside force. 


	11. Singularity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *boss battle music*
> 
> https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/intergalacticSoundscapeGenerator.php

Picard felt his stomach lurch as he stepped onto the bridge. He could only hold onto the handrail and observe as it was Riker who took the chair, with the Admiral close by. Geordi was shouting rapid-fire orders over the intercom. Worf was on scanners. And on the viewscreen there was chaos.

Even with their solar shields up to full force the view was blinding. What could only be described as a spinning blade of fire before them. A vortex of gas and debris spilling out of space. If they got any closer to the edge, they would be disintegrated. It would cut right through the ship.

And beyond it...

Picard felt a cold blossoming of horror inside his ribcage. It was nothing more than a distortion in space. A window into something beyond, spinning faster and faster, in a strange counter-clockwise motion. The image lensed out at the edges. As if his eyes weren't quite adjusting to it. He knew that beyond it was nothing at all. Less than nothing. Absolute zero.

HIs mouth was dry.

"What's going on?" he managed to get out.

Admiral Paterson shot him a look but Riker repeated his order. "Geordi, what's going on?"

"I - I don't know," Geordi babbled, "I'm working on it! It just _appeared,_ right there, it wasn't even on the map!"

"I am afraid it is a singularity, sir," Data piped up, "By all our laws of physics, we should be dead."

There was a strange rumbling tone rattling through the ship. A single note carried on and on into space almost too low for hearing.

"Yes..." Picard murmured, "We should be."

"Don't bother asking why, just get us out of here," Riker commanded, "Put everything you've got into it. Give me an escape. Anything!"

Picard realised something before Riker did. The engines were still at a low cruising speed. But the ship was moving forward much, much faster. They were being pulled. There would be no escape. Not at this range.

 He breathed out slowly. "Q," he said aloud, "I could use some help now."

Admiral Paterson looked at him like he was mad.

"That alien of yours got us here! It's his fault!"

Picard was so on edge he opened his mouth to argue, when Q interrupted by flickering into existence right next to him.

"I _am_ helping," Q snapped. His expression was oddly strained.

Paterson's eyes bugged. "Get us out of here!" he ordered.

"I'm the reason the solar radiation hasn't fried you yet, you ungrateful little primate!" Q shot back. He gritted his teeth and his expression actually looked as if he was in pain.

"Q, are you all right?" Picard asked.

But the image of Q flickered, off and on, seeming like a faulty hologram. "Hang on -" he managed to get out and then vanished again.

Riker looked at Picard in concern. "Any ideas, sir?"

"I... I think he's trying to concentrate," said Picard, "He can't maintain his form and... do whatever it is he's doing to stop this. It's too difficult to fix."

"What would be too difficult for Q to fix?" Riker wondered aloud. Even Data looked worried.

Picard was wondering the same thing.

Minute by minute they were drawing closer to that rift in space. The low singing tone grew louder and louder and vibrated up through the metal and into their bones. Picard's knuckles were white gripping the handrail.

"I can't turn us around," said Geordi, "I'm sorry, sir, I'm sorry, the hold is too strong -"

"I know, Lieutenant," said Picard. "It's not your fault."

At a certain point there was a shift. Whereas before it had felt like they were accelerating, now it felt like they were slowing down. They were at the edge of the wall of fire. Beyond the rotating mirror of the stars with its singularity nested somewhere invisible at the center. The stars were slowing down into long points of light. Somehow, they still weren't dead.

It had felt hot before, he'd noticed the sweat and humidity building up, especially radiating from the glass. And he knew that without Q's influence it meant death. But now, all of a sudden, it was cold. His breath came in puffs of condensation. And the Enterprise powered down to emergency life support. Even the red warning lights went out. The only light was shining out from the viewscreen as they got closer.

"Q," he said again, hoping that he would be heard.

And Q appeared again, flickering in that jittery way, as if he was more a ghost now than anything.

He looked frightened.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I tried to fix it. I tried. This is the Continuum, it's what they do, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for -"

"Calm down, Q. I'm glad you're here," said Picard softly. Odd, he thought, how _he_ was the one calming the immortal entity who was most likely to survive all this.

"I said once - " Q began, cutting out of view, and then appearing again, "- I promised you an afterlife. You don't have to die alone. I can die too."

He appeared again, this time much closer, more solid. He was gradually relinquishing his grip on the Enterprise.

Q grinned. "Guess there's a first time for everything, huh?"

"Thank you, Q," said Picard. "I mean what I said. I trust you with my life."

He took Q's hand, and looked out at the field of stars that were coming to a stop. He could hear the ship creaking under the pressure. In a moment Q would let go his hold and the whole thing would explode. They would probably not be awake to witness that, thankfully. He shut his eyes and darkness descended.

* * *

 

And in the next instant, darkness was replaced with blinding light. There was a click, then a hum, as a surge of power returned to the ship's systems. The crew stared around them in shock. Picard blinked and looked down at his hands. They _felt_ real but you could never be too sure.

Outside the window was nothing. Not even stars.

"What just happened?" said Riker, looking to PIcard as if he had answers.

"I'm as lost as you are," he responded. Were they dead? Had they somehow passed through the anomaly unharmed?

"Any clues, Data?" he asked.

Data looked about as shocked as an android could look. "I cannot fix any direction on the ship, sir. It is as if we are... nowhere. These readings are strange indeed."

"Well we had better hurry up and get out of it!" said Admiral Paterson crossly, "I have had enough of being flung around space! It's an android, can't it calculate a solution?"

"Data is a _crew member,_ sir, and not a miracle worker," Riker snapped. Even he seemed to have had enough of Paterson's help. They would get nowhere with arguing and Picard could think of only one possible solution.

"Q," he said aloud, "Can you still hear me?"

There was a moment of silence where he thought they would be totally abandoned out here.

Then something appeared on the bridge.

It was a vaguely humanoid figure dressed in grey. It had an approximation of a face, and eyes and limbs, but the whole thing was off. As if it had seen a blurred picture of a human once. Or as if it simply couldn't be bothered.

The thin line of its mouth didn't move as it spoke.

HUMANS, it said, THE CONTINUUM HAS REACHED A VERDICT.

Everyone stared in silence. The echoes of that voice were still bouncing around inside their skulls.

 Then Paterson, who was turning red in shock, blurted out: "What is that thing?"

SILENCE, it said, and although Paterson opened his mouth to speak, nothing came out. It turned its flat face towards Picard.

YOU ARE JEAN-LUC, CORRECT?

Picard stood calm and looked back at it. "I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard, yes."

It tilted its head. He got the uncomfortable sense it was rifling through his mind.

STRANGE, it said, WE THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

"Different how?"

YOU ARE PLAINER THAN EXPECTED.

Picard ignored the insult. "May I ask why you have come? Where's Q?" He could barely keep the concern out of his voice - not fear for himself, but for Q. Why was the not with the Continuum?

WE WARNED Q NOT TO INVOLVE HIMSELF WITH MORTALS. WE OUGHT TO GIVE HIM A LESSON IN IMPERMANENCE.

"You meant to destroy us," said Picard, "And Q wouldn't let you. Is that it?"

YOU ARE CORRECT. WE THOUGHT IN GIVING YOU UP HE WOULD RETURN TO US. BUT HE HAS PROVED STUBBORN. HE WOULD EVEN CEASE TO EXIST TO PROLONG YOUR ACCIDENT OF A SPECIES.

"So this was a test," Riker said in disgust, "Now I know where Q gets it from! I guess it runs in the family."

"Commander," said Picard in a warning voice. Then, to the Continuum, he spoke with forced politeness: "I still have a question. Where is Q?"

IN TIME! YOU MORTALS ARE SO IMPATIENT. WE DID NOT THINK Q WOULD GIVE UP EXISTENCE FOR SUCH A CREATURE. WE... MISCALCULATED.

Picard fought to keep a grin spreading off his face at the admission of failure.

"Perhaps we aren't so insignificant."

Q THINKS SO. ENOUGH TO DIE FOR IT.

"He's dead?" Picard echoed. For a brief, horrible moment, he felt hollowed out at the thought. He hadn't thought it possible for a Q to die. But maybe even they had weaknesses.

WE WOULD NOT LET A Q DIE, it said, WE WOULD ALL FEEL IT. NO, WE HAVE GIVEN HIM WHAT HE WANTS MOST. IT IS A FITTING PUNISHMENT.

The Continuum was silent. All of a sudden, Q appeared on the bridge. Not in a grand flash of light, but as a small, huddled form lying on the floor. Picard started forward and fought the urge to go to him.

"What have you done?" he demanded.

HE IS DIMINISHED NOW, LIKE YOU. PERHAPS IN SEVERAL DECADES HE WILL TIRE OF HUMANITY.

"And what of the ship?" said Riker, "What about our journey?"

UNINTERRUPTED, said the Continuum, then, turning to Picard, they said: GOODBYE, CAPTAIN JEAN-LUC PICARD. WE DO NOT KNOW WHY Q FAVOURS YOU. CONSIDER YOURSELF FORTUNATE.

And, without any fanfare, they disappeared again.

There was a brief moment where the lights flickered on, then off, and then there was a hum as the systems returned to normal. Outside, the view was no longer void, but opened onto a field of stars.

"We're back to our old location, sir," Geordi announced, "And no black hole this time."

Picard wasn't listening. He'd already rushed over to kneel at Q's side. He pressed a hand to a warm, familiar face.

"Q," he said aloud.

There was a stirring and a choking rush of breath. Q's eyes opened in shock and then focused on Picard.

" _Mon cherie,_ just the human I want to see." He was grinning, but the expression was strained. He seemed weaker somehow. Drained of his usual energy.

"Q, are you all right? How are you feeling?"

"I mean, apart from being trapped in this gelatinous meat suit? Peachy."

Picard ran his fingers through Q's curly hair and his eyes drifted shut in response.

"That's not so bad. Can I just sit here and you keep doing that?"

"I'm afraid not," Picard murmured, "I need to get you to medbay. Standard procedure, I'm afraid."

"That sounds... not fun. Can you come with me?"

"Of course."

"I can help, sir." It was Riker standing there. Picard looked back up at him. There was a long weighted moment where he wasn't sure how he felt. A few hours ago Riker had been on the opposite side of a table trying to convince him he was crazy.

But Riker looked apologetic. "He could be hurt. Maybe needs some scans."

"Of course, Commander. Thank you."

Together, they both managed to haul a weak Q down the hallway to medbay.


	12. Home

Q's eyes opened and he returned to consciousness. It was jarring. 

He found that he was lying on a bed, with the blankets drawn up to his chin. Blue walls around him and dim lighting and somewhere the faint whirring of a machine. Picard was in a chair nearby, dozing, but when he noticed Q was awake, he stirred and his eyes opened.

He smiled. A soft, fond expression that was hard to look at directly.

"You're awake," said Picard.

"How can you  _stand it?_ " said Q, "Just - just not being conscious! It switches off!"

"It's rather peaceful, actually. Refreshing."

Q thought it would take a long time to get used to that.

"Am I hurt?"

"No, your body is fine. You're just tired. I think you've slept at least ten hours since we brought you down here. According to every test Dr Crusher could run, you're healthy."

Q poked at his arm with a suspicious expression.

"Huh... That's good, I guess. What about you, though?"

"I'm fine. Everyone is fine, thanks to you. What you did was truly brave, Q, and I'm proud of you. You have my thanks," said Picard sincerely.

Q pouted. "It was a terrible idea! We almost died! And didn't I cost you your job?"

Picard shrugged. "Titles have never meant much to me. But the hearing panel is still undecided, since what you did. I think most of the crew are on side. Especially Will."

Q spluttered in amusement. "That beard guy! He hates me!"

"I think he's warmed up to you," said Picard, with a slight smile, "He intends to defend me at the next stage. I think we have a good case to make that you were protecting the Enterprise from a hostile force..."

"What if you lose?" said Q, looking at him quite seriously now. "What if you're not a captain any more?"

"And if you're not Q any more?"

Picard looked out and took Q's hand in his own. He clasped it lightly, just enough that Q could withdraw, if he wanted to. 

"You're afraid, aren't you?"

"No I'm not," said Q, who was trembling.

"I know you've given up a lot. For me. I..." He cleared his throat. "We'll always be these things. And it doesn't stop us from building new things..."

His voice trailed off. Q had shifted a little closer.

"You know - back there on the ship..." he started. It was odd to see Q fumbling with silence. So Picard sat with the silence. Q's hand tightened around his until the pressure was almost too much.

Q began again. "I was so sure you were gone. I kept thinking of - of what you said on the beach. You had a responsibility. I hadn't had one before, not really, but you're mine now."

"And I still meant what I said," said Picard softly.

He smiled and leaned back in his chair and the silence grew and grew. Q's hand grew soft again and his eyes drifted closed.

Q was on the verge of dozing again when Picard stirred and spoke. "We could still see the universe if you want to."

"We can?" said Q, sounding unconvinced.

"I could retire, hire a runabout, travel..."

"I have to get used to being human first," said Q. 

Picard smiled. "There's so many good things. I can't wait to show you."

He leaned in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAYYYYY END OF THE STORY I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S FINISHED!
> 
> (Also sorry about the ending, it's sort of a downer, but it was the only ending that made sense to me.)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting.


End file.
